I Need You

I always felt a sense of pride in my ability to communicate effectively.  As I journeyed through this course, I found myself lacking in some aspects of communication.  I was more ethically reponsible in my communication skills on my job, than I was with my family members.  I would sit, listen and give feedback all day at work.  At home I'd psuedolisten, multitask, and/or change the subject if the topic was painful to me or my family member attempting to talk to me. People, in my life, trust and respect me to give them my authentic self and this course has helped me give a better "me" to them.

My colleagues have provided me with insight, support and revelations with their comments and feedback.  I've needed all of the input as this journey continues. My contact information is:

Stephanie Higgins
P.O. Box 251 Forney, Texas 75126 (20 miles east of Dallas, if you're wondering)
email:  slsan4d@yahoo.com or stephanie.higgins@waldenu.edu
I also have a Facebook page

Please enjoy the following song as I close this blog.  I wish all of you the best as your journey continues.  Please feel free to contact me if you feel I can help you in any way.


(Please click on the underlined Watch on YouTube after you click on the URL.  Thanks and best wishes to you all.)

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It is finished ~ Jesus Christ

By the time the team is at the adjournment phase, the leader , who has moved into a more coaching role (Abudi 2010), will bring the group together  for a de-briefing.  What worked well?  Were there any problems?  Where was the most difficulty? Is there something we could have done differently?  How satisfied are we with the outcome?  These questions help to bring closure to the project.



Adjournment of any kind can be a happy occasion or it can be bittersweet.   When working in a high functioning group, the members have come to know each other quite well and the process of adjourning may be difficult but they all know it is necessary.

The project is finished.  How, then do we say good-bye to our colleagues?  In the best case scenario, all the individuals will see each other again.  They may still work in the same location; and having that in common will help ease the transition into the phase of not working on the project.  They may meet for lunch or at the local bar after work.  Sometimes the relationships become more social if they enjoy each other’s company and see they have common interests.

I chose my title, not to offend those with beliefs other than mine, but to illustrate how some projects continue and grow long after the initial group has dispersed.  As a Christian, I look at the team Jesus pulled together –forming (Abudi 2010).  They each had skills and talents necessary for the mission.  There were hot heads, analytical types, team members who didn’t like conflict, assertive types and some doubters and they start to get aquainted with each others personalities, opnions and ideas – storming (Abdui 2010).  Once the team was assembled they started working together, they were focused on the goals.  They started making significant progress as they worked together –norming (Abdui 2010). The group has been commissioned to do the will of their leader and do the day to day work.They know each other quite well, have traveled and went through rough times together; they are interdependent- performing (Abudi 2010).  The leader meets with the group in a garden to bring closure to the first part of the project.  He presents His mission to the world and says, "It is finished."  The group meets, the Leader joins them to adjourn and disperse the group to form other teams to further the original mission - adjourn (Abdui 2010).  

The performing group is the hardest to leave.  We have become interdependent and have gotten to know each other very well. We have spent time together focusing and striving for the same goal and we have enjoyed some good times as well as weathered some hard experiences to get to the finishing line.  There's nothing like shared experiences to bring people together.

I lead a staff development team.  Our closing ritual involved putting a string through a paper plate and hanging the plate behind you with the string around your neck.  Each person had to write something positive about a person on their plate and how they helped on the project.  We used the same colored marker and did not sign our names.  When each person turned their plate around, they read the comments aloud.  After the last person read the comments on their plate, I closed the exercise by saying to the group,"  Be proud, this is what people are saying behind your backs".

We've had to move on from several groups as we journey through our Master's program.  I enjoy the Discussion Boards and our Instructors.  We just start to become comfortable with each other and the 8 weeks end, some return, some don't but I learn something from each of my colleagues.  They will be and are missed but we must move on until we can all say at graduation, "It is finished".

References

Abdui, G. (2010).  The five stages of team development:  A case study  Retrieved from
     http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

John 19:30. King James Version (KJV)[Quote by Jesus Christ] Holy Bible

Are We Understanding Each Other?

I have a part-time job working at a Domestic Violence shelter on weekends.  My supervisor is a nice young lady, who exasperates me to no end.  Why?  She will ask me to do something or tell me something, which I feel I understand.  Then when I do the task or report where she asked me to go, it's all wrong!

An example is, last Sunday she called me and asked if I would work on Wednesday from 6:00pm until 10:00pm because she and the Client Advocate were transporting the clients to a workshop.  She told me she would call me back if the plans changed.

On Wednesday, I arrived at the shelter at 5:50pm and the Client Advocate looked at me strangely and asked why I was there.  I told her our supervisor had asked me on Sunday to come and cover the shelter while they went to a workshop.  She said, "Oh, she didn't call you and tell you it was cancelled?" That question set up a communication climate that was defensive (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009). I asked was that a rhetorical question, since obviously I had reported to work.  It takes 45 min. to drive to the shelter from my home and I was upset that I had made a trip, used my gas and changed my plans for nothing.  I felt this was an unproductive conflict as there was a negative impact (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009) with my use of sarcasm.

One strategy I have used, is the challenging strategy (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009).  I am not confrontational and this strategy is usually not my first choice, but my attitude had provoked that communication climate (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009).  This strategy works when you want the person you are communicating with to know what they did or didn't do has caused you to have your current attitude.  I  went to my supervisor's office and asked her why she didn't call me to let me know the outing was cancelled.  She looked at me and asked why I didn't call to find out if she still needed  me to come to the shelter.  I reminded her that she had promised to call me if the plans changed but that was fine and I started to leave.  I was using the escapist strategy (O'Hair &Wiemann 2009).  I used this strategy to avoid anymore direct conflict. 

One communication channel (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009) I will use with my supervisor, is email.  I told her I would email her, as a compromise (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009) so we would both know the plans.  If we had used that electronic channel (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009), this conflict would not have occurred.

                                                     

Reference

O'Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2009).  Real Communication An Introduction Boston, MA: 
     Bedford/St. Martin's  

What you see, is what you get

My listening profile says:    I am people - oriented.  We were all in agreement of this assessment.


 Others say:  I communicate comfortably in most situations and feel confident in anticipating such encounters. (By the way, this is not a picture of me.  I just liked her smile).
My daughter was one of my evaluators.  She knows me better than just about anybody.  She, as well as one of my colleagues said I exude confidence in my communication.

  I know that I do have mild anxiety and feel uneasy in some situations.  I try hard not to let it show and that may be the reason others don't see it.



I  have a moderately agressive communication style.  I always attempt  to argue my points fairly because, as we discussed earlier, I use the Platinum Rule (Milton 1998).  Everyone agreed with that assessment of me.



To summarize, we were in agreement with each other looking at the results of the surveys.  I was surprised that I scored myself lower on the verbal agressiveness scale.  All were in the moderate level but I see myself as less aggresive than my two assesors. 

I find this survey affirmed that I am authentic in most of my interactions with family, friends and the public. Basically, what you see is what you get.


Please enjoy the following song;



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Reference

Bennett, M.J. (1998).  Overcoming the Golden Rule:  Sympathy and Empathy.  Basic concepts in
          intercultural communication  Yarmouth, ME:  Intercultural Press

Communicating Differently

We communicate differently in the various arenas in which we find ourselves.

 When we are communicating with our significant others  casually, we may use empathetic listening skills (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009).


 Babies listen with their eyes (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009).  Words are yet to have meaning so they watch how we are communicating with them.  This is a skill we use less as we get older.


 There are times when communicating with other cultures can be difficult.  We must be other oriented (Gonzalez-Mena 2010).  We need to learn how to better relate to other (Gonzalez-Mena 2010).

 The Three strategies I will use from what I learned this week are:

• Listen with my eyes (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009) 

• Pay better attention to nonverbal communication (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009) 

• Adjust to differences (O'Hair & Wiemann 2009)  by providing communication in languages families understand.

References
Gonzalez-Mena, J.(2010).  50 stratigies for communicating and working with diverse families.
      Upper Saddle River, NJ:  Pearson Education, Inc.  
O'Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real Communication An Introduction  Boston, MA:
     Bedford/St. Martin's

"The View" (ABC 2012) and What I viewed

I rarely watch television during the day but I have heard "The View" (ABC 2012) is a good show.  I chose to record the show to observe the communication dynamics of the cast.  The participants on the day I recorded the show were:

 Sherri Shepherd   Joy Behar   Elisabeth Hasselbeck

 Whoopi Goldberg

Barbara Walters is also a member of the cast however she was absent the day this was recorded.

   I recorded a segment called "Hot Topics".  The beginning of the show starts with conversations about subjects that interest the public.  With the sound off I observed the following:

• Sherri was saying something
• Whoopi lifted her hand toward Sherri, who stopped speaking and Whoopi said something.
• The camera focused on Whoopi's face, who looked angry.
• Elisabeth started speaking and as she spoke, she tapped her index finger on the table.  She leaned forward and moved her eyes from one cast member to the other. Elisabeth looked angry.
• Joy was shaking her head while Elisabeth was talking.  Joy crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned back from the table.  Joy looked upset.
• Whoopi raised both arms in front of her gesturing towards Sherri.
• Sherri smiled and said something.  Sherri looked happy.

In silence, the exchanges looked heated and volatile.  The cast members seemed to be angry with each other.

When I listened to the conversation, some of my assumptions were valid and some were not.

The "Hot Topic" was politically based, making the content of the message important to the listeners (O'Hair,  Friedrich & Dixon, 2011), which can stir the passions of  people less outspoken than this group.
They were discussing how Gov. Mitt Romney's statement about firing people was taken out of context.

• Sherri was asking how they felt about the statement when Whoopi interrupted her in mid sentence.
• Whoopi was angry that the statement had been taken out of context.
• Elisabeth was making points, as she tapped the table on the good things Gov. Romney had accomplished.
• Joy was upset that someone running to be a candidate for the Presidency would even say anything abut firing people in these economic times.
• Whoopi acknowledged she had interrupted Sherri before she finished her thought and tossed the conversation back to her, which made her smile.

There is a close relationship between these women.  They are passionate and outspoken and they respect each other.  I didn't observe cues showing disrespect or ineffective listening (O'Hair., Friedrich& Dixon, 2011).
  There were no side conversations, rolling of eyes, or making "light" of something one of them stated.  They listened intently and responded appropriately, demonstrating they heard what was being said.  I learned that what may look like an argument between people in a group may be a passionate exchange of ideas and thoughts when you actually listen.  Tone doesn't always indicate intent.

References

O'Hair, D. Friedrich, G.W. & Dixon, L.D. (2011).  Strategic communication in business and the professions.  Boston, MA:  Allyn & Bacon

Walters, B. (Executive Producer). (2012). "The View" (Television program) Season 15 Episode 0112
January 9, 2012 New York:  American Broadcasting Channel

The Competent Communicator

As the day approaches to commemorate and celebrate what would have been his 83rd birthday, I have chosen Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as The Competent Communicator.



Dr. King was a highly educated man.  A man who was esteemed throughout the world and he could communicate clearly and concisely to the masses.


                                                     


He was thoughtful, appropriate and effective in his communication.  He had behavioral flexibility and was process oriented.  Dr. King could talk to celebrities, the President of the United States, Congressional committees and the average man on the street. 

                                                 

  

Dr. King displayed a commitment to the National Communication Associations Credo for Ethical Communication however; the one credo we all know he embraced most was the one that states, "We are committed to the courageous expression of personal convictions in pursuit of fairness and justice."   

                                                        

  

He not only communicated competently through oration he communicated competently through his writings.  I encourage everyone to read "Letter from a Birmingham Jail".  He elicits power and emotion, many will never be able to do, through this form of communication.




Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., The Competent Communicator

References

O'Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2009).  Real Communication An Introduction Boston, MA:  Bedford?St. Martin's

King, M.L. (1963).  Letter from a Birmingham (2011, November 13). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 23:12, January 7, 2012, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Letter_from_Birmingham_Jail&oldid=460389735